Hi all. You’re now about to read a post stating which wing flavour best represents which GoT/Song of Ice and Fire character best.
Or close the tab. One of the two.
The inspiration for this post comes from the fact that someone else in my feed (I forget who) reviewed a book with Game of Wings in the title. This connected two stray synapses in my brain and the results are what you’ll see below. Personally, I don’t think you’ll ever read a more incisive, more important analysis Let’s get this on the road:
Cersei Lannister – Mango Habanero
Everyone realises Cersei’s not going to be great for their health from the beginning but it takes a while for it really sink in just how brutal she is. Any very sweet sauce that has a ton of chilli heat as the end flavour – preferably the type that has chilli seeds lodged at the back of your throat – represents Cersei’s character here, which I decided to represent as Mango Habanero, but there’s a ton of flavours that could fit.
Daenerys Targaryen – Carolina Reaper BBQ Sauce
Dany has to be represented by BBQ sauce. After all, no other character in the series believes in the power of flame and smoke more than Dany. Your average BBQ sauce doesn’t have enough of a kick for Dany though, so clearly the sauce needs a bit of chili heat. A lot of chilli heat. Pretty much nobody brings the pain like Dany, so Carolina Reaper it had to be. There’s a brand of said sauce called ‘God Killer”. Her Majesty would approve.
Davos Seaworth – Salt and Pepper
Okay, yes, this is a joke about his hair. A very easy joke that a man of middle age makes with the rueful acknowledgement that this will likely one day be him. But it’s more than that. When you get salt and pepper wings from a Chinese takeaway, you do so knowing these are old trusty. It’s really difficult to make salt and pepper wings bad. Which is Davos. You can’t make him bad. Not any more.
Tywin Lannister – Jerk
Because he’s a jerk.
Don’t look at me like that. I don’t write the jokes here. Well, okay, I shouldn’t write the jokes here.
More than the satisfying homophone, Tywin brings a bit of complexity to the table. He’s got that hard blast element to him that the ginger and scotch bonnets brings. But there’s an earthy note to him, that of a man fairly short of pretension. That’s the allspice.
Arya Stark – Piri-piri
Memeworthy levels of popularity, a refreshing and forthright attitude that some might call a bit vinegary, and damages your insides – the African/Portuguese chilli sauce made great in the UK by Nandos has a lot in common with Westeros’ favourite teen assassin. Also, the term cheeky Nandos causes as much confusion outside of the UK as certain parts of Arya’s storyline.
Jaime Lannister – *insert a bunch of adjectives* BBQ Sauce
Look, you think you know who Jaime is at the start of the story right? Been there, done that, brought the t-shirt. It’s like BBQ sauce. Everybody knows what it is (with apologies to Americans who can tell the difference between all the different regional types they have). But the waiter will assure you that this BBQ sauce is different. The writers will assure you Jaime can be different. Yet, once you’ve made the plunge, guess what?
They were exactly what you thought they were to begin with. And there wouldn’t even have been anything wrong with that if nobody had been raising your expectations. Damn you, Jaime.
Ygritte – Cajun
I make no bones about believing Ygritte should have been the big damn hero of this own whole series, just like I believe cajun is the best wing seasoning, and maybe for much of the same reasons. There’s the perfect mix of no nonsense, earthiness with just the right amount of heat to really kick things off. Of course, sometimes even more heat is needed, which is when I dip cajun wings in a sriracha sauce. That pretty much always makes me cry and you know what, the next time I read/watch Ygritte dying, I might cry too.
Tyrion Lannister – Chilli Fish Sauce
Sometimes you need something that gets right to the point. Punches through all the nonsense. That goes double in Martin’s magnum opus given how much attention he paid to the magnum part. That someone is Tyrion (although he is also frequently a purveyor of nonsense too). This is why I’m pairing him with Chilli Fish Sauce wings – particularly the ones from Smoking Goat in London – because that flavour hits you like a train.
Brienne of Tarth – Tandoori
Tandoori chicken is a wonder of the culinary world, and it works just as well for wings. It’s a great mix of creamy (yogurt), acidic (lemon, at least in the UK), and spicy-warm (I’m not sure there’s a set spice mix, but usually garlic and ginger heavy). It’s comfort food with character and I think Brienne’s claim to be the most heroic character in the book maybe puts her in a similar place.
Jon Snow – Seasoned
Here’s another claim for the most heroic character in the book but, well, Jon has a bit of that everyman MC character where it’s a bit hard to see his real personality. He’s very loyal and principled but, well, that’s not really a major set apart point. I like Jon, but he doesn’t wow me. And so – well – Jon Snow is seasoned wings. Just a basic wing spice blend. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing but, well, it’s just not as glorious as the others is it?
There we go. If there’s anything you really agree with, or disagree with – such as the premise for this article – or additional choices you’d like to make, please do so in the comments!